These are my 3 greatest relationship lessons of 2022
Breaking up. Dating. Keeping a brave face. Frustrated... all for something new.
2022 has been quite a year for me dating + relationship wise:
ENDINGS: I closed the chapter on the best committed relationship I’ve ever been in. We ultimately parted ways because even though I loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone, my love for him couldn’t surpass my desire to be a mom. I also walked away from a potential relationship with a wonderful man because of misalignments in what I needed from my partner.
DISCOVERIES: Rekindled my dating journey with better clarity + focus while also trying different approaches. Learned a lot about myself and how I choose to show up. Strengthened my clarity through going on a range of interesting to lackluster dates.
SOMETHING NEW: Wrapped up the year with starting a new relationship with someone different than what I’ve dated in the past, which came with its own set of unique learnings, too.
Through all these experiences, the one thing that kept me positively focused and in alignment with what I want was my ideal relationship avatar. It was my saving grace that allowed me to quickly heal + move on from a deeply connected relationship. It brought me the clarity + congruency to make the “right” decisions for me. It encouraged my belief in what I want is possible as I saw how the men I was now manifesting aligned closer to my avatar.
These are my 3 greatest 2022 relationship lessons I’d like to impart to you:
1 - Adhere to your boundaries and trust your own judgments.
Know your boundaries, which includes your nonnegotiables for a relationship. Clearly communicate what they are and the consequences for violating them. Then kindly enforce them with conviction.
Someone who loves + respects you will honor your boundaries or at least seek understanding or common ground. They won’t knowingly cross your boundaries out of spite or just to get a reaction out of you. If they do, call them out and enforce your consequences. It might feel uncomfortable but reinforcing your boundaries sets precedence and contributes to your overall happiness.
Avoid doubting your boundaries or what you truly need and want in a relationship. Compromising or fudging what’s important to you to please your partner doesn't serve you in the long run. Trust yourself. You have those desires and needs for a reason.
If you don’t clearly know what your boundaries or nonnegotiables are, it’s worth taking the time to introspectively define them.
2 - Letting people go is an act of compassion + kindness.
If you have doubts that cannot be resolved or you already know, then avoid dragging it out any further. Kindly let them go. Wanting to “not hurt their feelings” is the worst reason to not tell them your truth. You think you’re sparing them heartache, but you’re actually adding to it through false hope, concealment, and wasting more of each other’s precious time. Parting ways sooner means that you both can move on and open yourself up to someone else who would be a better fit.
Have no regrets by opening your heart, trying all you can, and giving your best efforts. However, one person cannot carry the whole relationship, no matter how deeply that person feels or how much they are willing to do. It takes two to make a relationship work. Both sides have to be willing to do what it takes. One can inspire, but the other has to be on board and committed to the success of the relationship as well.
3 - Different is a-ok. It doesn’t need to be right or wrong. It can just be “different” than what you initially expected. Sometimes, different might just be what you need.
The important distinction I realized was to evaluate the results in comparison to my ideal relationship avatar, not merely based on my past experiences, expectations, or beliefs. Just because I expected things to go a certain way doesn’t mean my actual experience was wrong. It opened my eyes to new possibilities + opportunities for growth as well. By keeping important details of my avatar close in mind, things can show up differently (the how) but as long as it still fulfills the overall core qualities I value in a relationship (the what), then the relationship is still worth exploring further.
My past relationships didn’t work for their own reasons, but it doesn’t mean I can copy + paste what I’ve done in the past and expect it to work exactly the same with this new person I’m with. Oftentimes, in new relationships, we try to recreate something we’re familiar with or what we want to experience again. We then set expectations + assumptions of how it “should” turn out as we compare the new against the old.
But what if we just allowed the new experience to blossom into its own thing or something even better than what we had before? Because when you lock an expectation in, it’s harder to be open to what else is possible.
Dating and being in a relationship create constant learnings in knowing yourself, understanding your partner, and developing stronger relational + communication skills. The grass isn’t truly greener on the other side. It’s better to focus on how you can make the most of whichever situation you’re in and how you are showing up to take you closer to being in your ideal relationship.
Cheers to manifesting better + greater in 2023!
P.S. Feel free to comment below with your greatest lessons this year or how what I shared resonated. I’d love to hear from you!
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